Not much later, we received a letter from my Aunt Fay in Pennsylvania sharing that she had become a Christian. I thought she was off her rocker. And as fate would have it, I was gonna see it right up close. Grandpa and Grandma Hess, who also lived in Pennsylvania, had decided to host a huge family reunion at their house out in the woods. My parents decided it would be awesome to take a month-long bicentennial vacation, drive across the country, visit relatives along the way, see Washington DC, go to the reunion, tour New England, and drive back across Canada. What a way to see the country!

By the first week of July we finally reached Uncle Dick and Aunt Fay’s house in Pennsylvania. My cousin Cindy and I were camping in a tent by the pond when she showed me these weird looking Gospel tracts and tried to tell me about Jesus. Meanwhile, her little brother Rick pretended to be a wolf outside the tent, so that conversation didn’t get too far.

The next morning, we drove to Grandma and Grandpa’s house. They lived out in the woods, and they called their homestead Squirrel Hill. Acres and acres of beautiful trees spread out beyond Grandpa’s huge vegetable garden. Cindy and I explored all over the place. I remember sniffing the the fragrant sassafras plants in a meadow. We finally ended up on a large flat rock overlooking the country road. Cindy pulled out her weird looking Gospel tracts and tried again. This time I listened. The Holy Spirit was working in my life that day, showing me my sin, and pointing to Jesus as the answer. I realized how much I needed the Savior in my life. I confessed my sins, told him that I trusted in his death on the cross, and prayed for him to save me. I knew something very profound had happened in my heart!

I was really eager to share the news. Of course, Aunt Fay was delighted! She took me to a Christian bookstore and bought me a little white King James Bible. Since then, I’m happy to say that I have grown so much as a Christian through reading the Bible, praying, going to church, and ministering to others.

At the same time, I realize that even though my spiritual freedom started in July 1976, I needed to continually guard it, with discernment and help from God. You’ve probably heard it said that “Eternal vigilance is the price of freedom.” I agree. In these past 50 years as a Christian, I’ve had to disentangle my life many times from various kinds of bondage. I once wrote a poem about that, which I’ll share another time. Before I go, though, I will leave you with one other poem (which I wrote for my 50th birthday) which alludes to the Year of Jubilee, the celebration of freedom every 50 years in ancient Hebrew culture.

“Pilgrimage and Jubilee”

It’s been a long road

And I’ve traveled the valley of the shadow.

But I write as a free woman

Still with earthy bonds, yes

But able to rise above and go beyond.

We are called to the dignity

Of the Image of God.

We are called to walk the path

Of peace and glory.

We are called to hear the holy echo:

“Proclaim liberty throughout the land!”

So let us rise, strong and free.

Mine is the story of pilgrimage and jubilee.

My friends, let us proclaim and preserve liberty throughout the land, not just for ourselves but others. As we patriotic Americans celebrate our country’s 250th birthday, may we embody true liberty by advocating for the vulnerable in a culture of political chaos. True liberty, unlike Christian Nationalism, walks in the way of Jesus with compassion and not coercion, with insight and integrity rather than inciting ignorance. We cannot be free ourselves if we turn a blind eye toward cruelty to others.

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—

when you see the naked, to clothe them,

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness will go before you,

and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.

Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;

you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,

with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry

and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

then your light will rise in the darkness,

and your night will become like the noonday.

The Lord will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins

and will raise up the age-old foundations;

you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,

Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

(Isaiah 58:6-12)

I invite you to take time to reflect on that.

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Power: What Price and Purpose?

My apologies for the freaky photo here, but it just fits. In a blog post many years ago, I shared a stream-of-consciousness journal entry after seeing the movie The Amazing Spiderman. It resonates with me again today because last night my daughter I went to see Super Girl. I was struck again by the depictions of brute power and dark depravity that holds so much of humanity in its bondage, which in this 2026 movie included human trafficking and other forms of exploitation. It also reminds me that even those weighed down with grief, depression, and disillusionment can still, in their own ways, rise to meet the challenge — not just for their own survival, but for others as well. I’d rather be on the side of beauty and justice for all.

Here is what I wrote in 2013.

I was thinking that there is a certain strength in having ordinary weaknesses. In the movie The Amazing Spiderman, people turned into giant lizards capable of terrifying strength and power after being exposed to an airborne chemical. But who would want to be that strong and powerful if they had to become a lizard to get that way? That kind of brute strength is devoid of the sensitivity that being an authentic human entails. It completely lacks aesthetic beauty. It is only capable of destruction, not creation. It wants to control others but cannot control itself. I can’t imagine living the limited life of a megalizard. I’m not into city squashing.

In some ways, our true strength grows from our weaknesses: because we cannot do things alone, we must do them together. Our resulting relationships and cooperation leads to healthy inter-dependency. Our weaknesses also remind us to depend on God’s strength and to guard against the wrong kind of pride.

Becoming aggressive (physically or otherwise) can result from using pride, power and position for what they can get for you, not to build devotion to God nor loving relationships. It leads to ultimate downfall. On the far opposite end of the spectrum, low self-esteem keeps us passive, paralyzed, and vulnerable to victimization. A healthy self-confidence enables us to step out boldly in service and creativity. We can be assertive, claiming what is rightfully ours while helping others attain their goals, too. This is a win-win situation. [Note in 2026: I wrote more about being aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, and assertive in the Peacemaking chapter of my upcoming book Burned: Rising from the Ashes of Spiritual Crisis with Restorative Christian Practices.]

Physical weaknesses, disabilities, and pain can challenge us to come up with creative accommodations, using our brains and hearts to keep accomplishing what our bodies can’t do. Work smarter, not just harder. Synergize. Invent. Be aware of the struggles of others so you can show compassion. Use whatever kind of power you have for the good of all.

We should still pursue physical strength and vitality, keep in shape, and get medical help for injury and disease. But we also realize that our inevitable weaknesses can paradoxically plant in us the humble seeds of true greatness. Success is not just handed to us on a golden platter, but is an on-going process requiring effort and cooperation. We learn and grow together as people made in God’s image, and overcome the odds through perseverance, effort, and supportive relationships.

Jesus came among us in the limitations of human flesh, great power constrained and channeled into great sacrificial love. He wants us to have true power, creative power, beautiful power. If we want to make a difference in the lives of others, it cannot be by selfishly controlling them. We must love them. Love is the strongest influence of all.

And finally, a little of what the Bible says about power and weakness.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Isaiah 40:29

We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves. Romans 15:1

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Matthew 5:3-9

A dispute also arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest. Jesus said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. Luke 22:24-26

For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength... But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 1 Corinthians 1:25, 27

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Hebrews 12:12

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:7-9

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:16-21

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:10-13

Also, if you read yesterday’s post by email, my apologies for the typos. I hit Post too soon. I fixed the online version. This reminded me that fear of making mistakes is one one reason I sometimes hesitate to write. Yes, quality is my goal and thorough proofreading is essential, but I can’t let perfectionism keep me from productivity.

Thanks for reading! Feel free to like, share, subscribe, comment, and send me a message! I love the feedback!

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Here it is, almost July, and I realize I haven’t posted here since November! Eek! What’s with that? That’s a question many of us have asked ourselves when we haven’t moved forward exactly how we had planned in a goal we had set. When this happens, we can take time to reflect on why this might be. It is not always one simple obvious answer, but often a complex interweaving of layers that can be untangled.

That’s what I am doing now. Asking a series of questions is one way to get the process rolling. One question can lead to another and another. My starting question is, “Why have I not been writing here on Substack for seven months when my goal was to post weekly?” What mystifies me is that I love to write, but it didn’t seem like I made it a priority in 2026. The next question is, “Is this more from internal factors or external factors?” Of course, as soon as I asked that, I reminded myself that this is not an either/or dichotomy. It is both internal and external, and sometimes both tightly intertwined.

One thing is that from September until May, I spent much of my writing time jotting reflective notes for the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises program. This is external in the sense that it consumed a lot of my time and focus each week. It is internal in the sense that it filled a need: my notes were “hidden writing” not originally meant for public consumption, but still quite fruitful. To extend the impact of that, I started going back through my notes to glean the essentials and see if I could draw connections between them. To do this, I read each page, and then in the back of my notebook, I rewrite, in bullet points, the key things I want to be able to review. I’ve been doing this off and on for the last month. Eventually, much of this may seep its way outward into public reflections here on my Substack.

Note that in the bottom entry here, I wrote of my desire to lay aside distraction. This often surfaces in the form of games on my phone. My favorites are FreeCell, Words with Friends, Fruit Merge, Jigsaw Cards, and, most recently HexaAway. I’m not bashing games here. They are fun, they relieve stress, and the strategy and visual discrimination sharpen my brain. However, if I play them too long or at the wrong time, I don’t get other things done. It’s a matter of opportunity cost. Whatever you choose affects your ability to do other things. It’s still not all or nothing. I can do both fun things and more productive work, but I have to find the optimal proportions.

I do at times sense internal resistance to public writing. This is not new. I began my book manuscript six years ago and it is pretty much complete. What remains is another thorough proofread (I could use help, if anyone is interested), navigating the final logistics of self-publishing, and more importantly, taking that leap of faith to overcome my assorted fears. I hate hype, so I have consulted a book coach on how to promote my book in a way that is consistent with my ethos. This means finding time and energy to do a soft-launch with gradual exposure. One way I can gain confidence for this is to “prime the pump” and restore the mental and emotional flow by publishing more frequently here on Substack.

One significant external factor for my lack of output here is that in January, at the recommendation of my trusted physician, I decided to start the preparation process to undergo gastric bypass surgery. I realized that the co-pay costs would be high and it would take effort and habit changes, but I recognized this would be a long-term investment in my health. My “why” for surgery is three-fold: longevity (hopefully reducing the risks of a major medical event), stamina (having more sustained energy for daily life), and mobility (relieving pressure from my knees, hips, and feet). What about appearance? For me that is a positive extra result, but body image is not a major motivating factor. Anyway, I’m five weeks post-op now, and my pain level was so low that I was able to return to my remote work in nine days. I haven’t lost as much weight as I would have liked by now. The “big fix” has to be supported by daily habits, which I obviously need to tighten up. This means planning and monitoring my calorie intake each day, as well as getting more exercise.

I baked muffins this morning, starting with a boxed cranberry-orange mix. Then I added oatmeal, protein powder, pureed fresh strawberries, reduced sugar orange juice, and extra egg. They’ve got lots of extra vitamins, fiber, and protein to make them a bit healthier for snacking. I even made a pan of tiny heart-shaped muffins. Aren’t they cute?

Back to the “moving forward with Substack” questions, after addressing hindrances, I ask myself, “What would increase my motivation?” I want to make an impact on others. I enjoy reading posts from ordinary people whose ideas I would never see if they didn’t write on Substack. Their unique perspectives make a difference in my life. In the spirit of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” I realize that my own posts, even though they aren’t earth-shattering, could provide just the boost or pivot that someone else needs. A second motivator is that when I take the time to write, I can also have a sense of accomplishment, knowing I am moving forward. A third motivator is having a definite idea of what to write about. This can take discipline since ideas don’t always just pop into my head on their own. I have to think about what is important enough to share. I ask God what story or message he has equipped and inspired me to share right now. It doesn’t have to be a complete picture. I can sit at my computer and start writing, and then it unfolds as I go.

One exciting event that I do want to share is that later this year, one of my sons, who is in the military, is getting married a few hours away from London. He and his fiancée are planning a very small civil ceremony, and didn’t expect that family would be able to fly over, but this Mama is gonna be there! My youngest daughter and I also plan to spend a few days traipsing around London. She is turning 21 soon and this will be her first trip out of the country. “Moving forward” with a big trip like this means a lot of planning and preparation, even months ahead of time. Passports, flights, asking for time off of work, itineraries, traveling supplies — it’s all either done or underway. I have been so motivated for this! Travel does wonders for my mindset. I know I will be writing more about this in the coming months.

On a smaller scale, I find that having a comfy cozy home atmosphere helps me to keep plugging along. I decided to switch up my dining room a little bit with new curtains, table cloth, and realistic tulips. Hello yellow!

Now that it has stopped thundering furiously, my daughter and I are off to the gym for some strenuous exercise. We’ve got to build up our stamina for our England trip!

We are moving forward!

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

Happy November, friends!

I took a little break from Substack for a month as I transitioned into a new schedule. I now work weekends, as well as an hour later at night than before. All in all, I like it! I’m finding my rhythm, but it’s taken a bit of adjustment since I’m usually not in bed until after midnight. Thank goodness that I work from home!

In this post, I’d like to reflect on Philippians 4:8. I have more serious and in-depth thoughts a little further down, which I hope you take the time to read, but I’m starting with “whatever is lovely”! My small town of Apopka, Florida, is known as the “Indoor Foliage Capital of the World”! On Sunday, between church and starting my work shift at 3 PM, I visited the annual “international” orchid show.

After enjoying the orchids, I walked around in the adjacent Trader Mae’s vintage marketplace. I restrained myself and just bought one thing: a charming wintry holiday sign that called my name. Never mind that we never get snow here!

And yes, I am one of those people who decorates early for Christmas. Last year I started on the same day as our church’s annual Christmas bazaar after stocking up on reasonably priced, beautiful crafts made by women in the church. We had just moved into our new home in the Spring, so I wanted some fresh holiday decor for this house. How do you like last year’s stash?

This year’s bazaar (the 51st!) is next Saturday. I don’t anticipate buying as much this time around, but I’m sure it will still put me in the mood to pull the holiday bins out of my garage and get going on it!

Yesterday, I also ordered the book Making Your Home Meaningful by Bre Doucette after seeing it at a deep discount at Amazon. It just arrived on my doorstep as I was editing this post – and it is lovely! It features projects for seasonal decorating, which you probably already know is a big thing at my house. I will read it gently and then give it as a Christmas gift.

Whatever the season, I occasionally like to buy fresh flowers for my table. Trader Joe’s (not to be confused with Trader Mae’s) has small bouquets for just $3.99, so I snatched this one up when we stopped in to buy a new jar of my favorite lemon curd. I also found berry lemon curd this time, which I spooned onto leftover pancakes this morning.

I hope you enjoy this holiday season, whether you are still firmly in Autumn or slipping into Holly Jolly Christmastime!

Now, for something a bit more weighty, a few thoughts on Philippians 4:8 in the context of advocating in situations of injustice or wrongdoing. This article started as simple handwritten notes while I was reading Philippians for the Ignatian Exercises program I am doing with the help of my friend and mentor, Kim Kargbo, who writes at The Contemplative Activist Substack as well as heading up Accessible Hope International, which serves women and children with disabilities in Africa.

The assigned reading for that day was actually in chapter 3, but my eyes wandered over to chapter 4. The concept of “whatever is…” jumped out at me. I’ve read verse 8 at least 100 times in my nearly 50 years of faith, but I had never thought of it this way before! As I jotted my thoughts in my notebook, I thought of their application to those who advocate for justice. Specifically, I thought of my friend Ruth Barron, a longtime missionary in Kenya who is also an abuse survivor. She had already asked me to write a devotional for the Empowerment: Theology & Action private Facebook group that I help her moderate, so I edited my notes for a post there. I realized I could also adapt it for this Substack article, and did even more substantial editing for clarity. I sure hope it makes sense to you! If not, message me! I’d love to hear from you.

Whatever IS….

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

These familiar words are inherently inspirational, especially since they are surrounded by verses that promise the peace of God. They remind us to be aware of the beauty and justice that God brings to any situation, no matter how difficult. When trials come, as they always will, I want to be mindful of God’s mercies and his strength to overcome the challenges. However, I believe that this verse can also be misused. These words are not an admonition to “just think happy thoughts” and ignore blatant deficiencies just because “that’s not lovely enough to think about!” They are not about making bitter situations seem better than they really are. They are not to be used for spiritual bypassing or for sugarcoating harm that has been done and still needs to be addressed. They are not simply a positive twist on a negative situation.

As Isaiah 5:20 warns, “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.”

Again, in Matthew 23:27-28, “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.”

Philippians 4:8 is not just a comfort and an inspiration, but a call to wholehearted discernment. For those working in the context of advocacy for abuse survivors, it is more specifically an encouragement to fight evil and hypocrisy with righteousness and truth.

When each phrase starts, “Whatever is…” remember that the word “is” is a linking verb that equates two things. It is like an = sign. The next word (true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable) is a descriptor of what actually already authentically is. “Whatever is true,” is not “whatever someone naively claims is true,” is not “whatever someone twists to appear as truth,” is not “whatever someone hopes is true,” and is not “whatever someone is being pressured to believe is true.” Instead, “is” can be thought of as, “actually already authentically is.” So is it really true?

The actual truth might be that something is horribly wrong and it needs to be fixed. Unfortunately, many will see a grievously abusive situation and try to spin it in a more positive light, making excuses for the perpetrator and pleading:

• “Why don’t you look for the best in him?”

• “Why tarnish her reputation?”

• “Look at all the ministry they have done — so how could that allegation be true?”

• “You’re supposed to honor your authority (parent, pastor, boss), not complain about them!”

• “Love trusts and believes and hopes, so why are you giving up on me just because I did this little thing? I said I’m sorry! Aren’t you supposed to forgive and forget?”

All of this can be an attempt to minimize or whitewash what in reality is not true, noble, right, or pure, lovely, or admirable. It is far better to pursue actually making it what it needs to become than to say it already is.

So how can Philippians 4:8 be correctly applied when dealing with negative circumstances? It offers the righteous remedy. “What is true… noble… right… pure… lovely… admirable”! These qualities stand in stark contrast to the behavior we often see around us, even in Christian communities and families. They tell us what good things should look like. They give us a reliable model for what we should work toward as we transform faulty beliefs and practices so they are actually and authentically in conformity with God’s holy and healthy standards. These essential changes can prevent mistreatment and trauma from happening again, and they bring relief, healing, and restoration to those impacted by it. They allow us to “grow whole in body and soul” individually and collectively.

Looking at the end of the verse, we also find “…if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.” Praiseworthy means that something is actually already authentically worthy of praise, not that it demands praise because of position, pride, or power. Though we should still treat others with basic human dignity, we don’t need to attribute honor to a person or thing who is unworthy of it. And we must not turn a blind eye to misbehavior just because of someone’s outward reputation. Focus on the reality of what is actually happening and what needs to be done about it.

It is an excellent mercy to correct a wrongdoer and point them to the grace of authentic repentance. If they don’t change, it is an excellent mercy to eliminate their access to any further opportunities for wrongdoing. Their choices, their consequences! This doesn’t mean blasting others with harsh criticism for making mistakes. As 1 Thessalonians 5:14-15 guides us, “And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.”

This course correction is not just about other people, but also about growing more mature in our own walks with Jesus. We can confront our own weaknesses and sins most effectively by replacing them with what is true, noble, lovely, right, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. We can replace a critical spirit with kind words. We can replace greed with intentional generosity. We can replace arrogance with humble confidence. We can replace complacency with diligent service.

This view of Philippians 4:8 gives us more than cozy inspiration. It gives us aspiration! It gives us a call to stand for justice. It gives us a model for authentic holiness. It gives us motivation for transformation. It gives us a love for becoming more like Jesus, who is the epitome of all that is good.

My friends, as you go about your day, “if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things” and then do them.

P.S. If you would like to explore this concept more in a longer passage, I commend to you Colossians 3:1-17, where we also find the call to replace evil with what is truly good. Here we set our hearts and minds on things above, put to death and rid ourselves of whatever belongs to earthly nature, speak the truth to one another, take off the old self with its practices, put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator, clothe ourselves with virtue (compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience), let his word dwell richly among us, teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and most of all, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Thanks for reading this Whatever Is… edition of Growing Whole in Body and Soul! I’d love your feedback. Do you like this format? What resonates most with you from this post? Do tell!

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Blessings to you and yours,

Virginia Knowles

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Share Growing Whole in Body and Soul with Virginia Quarrier Knowles

Sweet Sleep! Does it even seem possible? I’ve been working on this issue about Sleep for the past few weeks, because I know that getting enough rest is so important for our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. If I haven’t slept well, I am more likely to be cranky, make mistakes, create safety risks, and not be able to work productively. I will not exactly enjoy my day. Conversely, if I have already had a rough or stressful day, or if my body is not feeling well, that will negatively impact my sleep, so I won’t appreciate my night either. It can be a vicious cycle. Anything I can do to remedy my sleep issues is going to pay off in so many ways, in the day and the night. So I really have had to work out how to get my best rest. Most of this issue devoted to My Best Strategies for Sweeter Sleep.

But first, I’d love to share a relevant poem about day and night, dark and light. I wrote it many years ago, and include it in the “Burned Out” chapter of my upcoming book, Burned: Rising from the Ashes of Spiritual Crisis.

Shimmer and Shadow

Epiphany dawns to blaze of day
Fiery sun and cooling shade
Then sunset glow
Seeping dusk
Star sparkle, honey gold of moon
Obscuring haze of deepening dark
Dark deep
Wait
Rest
Heal
Epiphany dawns
Hope rises on the horizon
My life is shimmer and shadow
Shadow and shimmer
A chiaroscuro portrait, clear and dark
The Artist draws and draws
Draws me into scenes of day and night
Draws me to himself in glimmerings and glimpses
There is still life
I am still here
I am here and so is He
In shimmer and shadow

MY BEST STRATEGIES FOR SWEETER SLEEP

I am an older single adult who works remotely until late evenings on an inherently stressful job in suicide prevention and mental health crisis intervention. My office is just down the hall from my bedroom. I am glad I don’t work in the same room where I sleep. It is good to have that mental separation of space. Anyway, I go to bed after midnight, wake up to use the bathroom once or twice, and try to sleep until late morning. By then, it’s daytime with all the light that brings, which makes it extra challenging to sleep. I may even have to take a nap a little later if I’m feeling especially foggy-brained. So I have had to strategize for how to protect my sleep time and atmosphere so I get enough rest.

I hope you enjoy these sleep tips!

BEDTIME ROUTINE

Goodnight, everyone! How do you wind down your family interactions at night? I am single and sleep alone, but my young adult daughter usually comes in for a quick chat and then sweetly tucks me in and turns off my light. When my kids were younger, I would go in to get them settled, tell them a story, say a prayer, and sing them a lullaby. Some families set a time when everyone is at least quiet so others can rest. If teens want to listen to music, they can do it with earphones.

Nighttime habit stack: Plan a routine of what you need to do in a particular sequence at bedtime so you don’t have to backtrack for something you forgot. This can include a snack, hygiene, medications, bedtime rituals, etc.

Clean and comfortable: What will help your body feel better for sleeping? I sleep better when I take a warm shower, get my mouth all fresh and clean, and smooth on some face moisturizer. If I feel itchy, I take care of that with lotion or cream. Then I put on clean, soft, stretchy nightclothes.

Soothing music: Set up a short bedtime playlist on your phone that has very quiet, calming songs. You can start listening to it as you prepare for bed, and then drift off to it if you wish.

HEALTH CONSIDERATIONS

CPAP machine for sleep apnea: If either snoring or daytime sleepiness is an issue for you, I encourage you to get a sleep study done! I put it off for years, but once I got a CPAP machine, my sleep improved dramatically. Sleep apnea can also cause heart issues, so this is not just a matter of nighttime rest.

Medications & supplements: Check to see if any of your medications or supplements may be affecting your sleep. At what time of day are you supposed to take each of your prescriptions? Be careful about using caffeine in the evening, as that can disrupt sleep. You can buy over-the-counter supplements to help you sleep, such as melatonin (I prefer gummies), calcium with magnesium, or tart cherry extract capsules.

Reduced (or no) alcohol in evenings: I don’t drink at all, but for those who do, please consider that while alcohol is a sedative that can make you sleepy in the short run, it can also alter your sleep cycle so that you miss out on restorative deep sleep as well as wake up more frequently. It can even cause insomnia in the long run. Read more here: Alcohol and Sleep.

Talk to your doctor: If you have any sleep disruptions related to insomnia, disturbing dreams, frequent urination at night, indigestion or intestinal discomfort, joint pain, involuntary jerking movements, headaches, or other medical issues, check in with your doctor about possible causes and remedies. Keep track of what is going on and write it down so that you don’t forget anything when you have this conversation. Some smart watches will even help you track your sleep.

Night hazards: When you get up at night, one risk is that you will fall off your bed, or trip or stumble in the dark. This is especially true for older adults and those with disabilities, so think of family or friends who may need assistance with this. Assess your living space for any possible safety issues in your pathway, such as loose edges of rugs, clutter, extension cords, furniture, slippery floors, etc. Practice safe ways to get up from bed, such as sitting up slowly to make sure you don’t get dizzy, swinging your legs over the side of the bed until they are even, and then easing your feet onto the floor. Steady yourself with the bed or a very sturdy nightstand. If walking stability is an issue at night, use a cane or walker when you get up to use the bathroom. Take your phone with you in case you need to call for help or use it as a flashlight. If you don’t have a smart phone and you don’t use nightlights, carry a small flashlight. If you do fall, try to get onto your hands and knees and then push up with one leg. And read this article: 10 Tips for Avoiding Nighttime Falls for Seniors.

BED AND BEDDING

Blankets that are the right texture and size: What do you prefer in a blanket? Do you have it yet? Why not invest in whatever will improve your quality of sleep? The ultrasoft texture of microfiber is a comfort must for me. I often stroke my blankets with my hands, which soothes any lingering anxiety. While I love smaller decorative throw blankets for my couch, I need a queen-size blanket for my bed because I hate to constantly pull my covers back over me. (If you share a bed with someone, consider having your own blankets to reduce tugging movements.) During the winter, I also have a heavier bedspread over the soft layer. Some people with anxiety use weighted blankets for the extra pressure against their bodies.

Supportive pillows: What does your unique body need to support a comfortable position? Do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? I sleep on my side with my body perpendicular to the bed, which reduces muscle twisting and strain. I usually stack two pillows next to me to keep me from leaning over and support my left arm, which is especially important since I have an old shoulder injury. Consider how you sleep, and how your pillows can keep you in the proper position.

Bed frame & mattress: Are you sleeping on a lumpy, saggy mattress? Is it time for a replacement? Is your bedframe sturdy and supportive? I chose a new bedframe and mattress when I moved last year. I think I would get a firmer mattress next time, but I am happy with my bedframe, which is a very sturdy metal with slats and does not require box springs. I chose one with 16” inch clearance under the bed, which gives me extra storage, and more importantly, makes it easier for me to get up out of bed. Mine has a headboard shelf to hold my lamp and CPAP. My daughter’s wooden bedframe is not as sturdy, and I had to retighten the bolts when it started creaking and swaying after several months. All of this makes a difference!

Headboard wedge: A long, skinny wedge pillow placed up against a headboard provides extra padding so your hands and head don’t hit hard spots at night, and it also prevents small items from falling between your bed and your wall. (You can see mine in the photo above, along with other items that I mention in this article.)

LIGHT

Comfortable sleep mask: This can be a must if you have to sleep during daytime hours. My new sleep mask, made of a comfy bamboo-cotton blend, almost completely blocks out light, and is designed with padding on the inside so that it doesn’t touch my eyelids. It also has built-in Bluetooth speakers, so I can listen to soothing music without wearing earbuds.

Blackout curtains: This style of curtains is specifically designed to block out excess light. I actually have two sets on my bedroom window. The ones that face my room hang from a standard rod over my window. The ones that face the outside are on a tension rod that fits within the window space, which blocks the window edge light better since the curtains are right up against the window. I can still see a little bit of light filtering through, but it definitely helps reduce excess glare.

Reducing electronic light: Unplug electronic devices so they don’t emit any light. Blue lights are especially disruptive to sleep. Consider whether a nightlight is necessary in your bedroom. I don’t have one, since I can use my phone flashlight when I get up to use the bathroom at night. Speaking of phones, it is usually best to avoid scrolling through your phone in bed at night, even if it seems to help you fall asleep. It is a known sleep disruptor! If you really want to read to relax before bed, do it with a real book sitting in a chair.

Remote control for room lighting: This is so you can turn your light on and off without getting up, which makes it easier to settle into sleep without having to walk across a dark room. I attached my light/fan remote to a ribbon and tied it to my bedframe so I can always find it easily. It also has a dimmer, so I can start tapering off the brightness level as I am getting ready for bed. The lamp on my headboard shelf has an added push-button switch cord, so I don’t have to reach up to try to find the twist switch.

TEMPERATURE & AIR QUALITY:

Ceiling Fan or Portable Fan: It’s hard to sleep in a hot and stuffy room! A fan can cool the room down and increase air flow during the warmer months. (This is most of the year here in Florida!) As noted before, my ceiling fan has a remote that I can use from my bed or chair. Before this fan was installed, I used table top, stand, and box fans to keep me cool.

Central Heat or Space Heater: During the cooler months, your home’s heat level may also affect your sleep. If you don’t want to heat an entire house at night, or others in the home want it cooler, consider using a small space heater that has safety features such as auto shutoff if it tips. You could also use an electric blanket at night, or at least throw your blankets in the dryer to warm them up right before going to bed.

Humidifier, Air Purifier, and Cleaning: Nighttime breathing issues can be alleviated by keeping the air clean and moist. A humidifier or air purifier might help if you feel dry or stuffy. If you cough or sneeze at night, dust your furniture, wipe down windowsills (they can get moldy from moisture), sweep or vacuum the floor, and launder your bedding. If that doesn’t help, hire a professional to inspect for hidden mold in your home.

STRESS AND OTHER EMOTIONAL FACTORS:

Anxiety, Depression, and Other Mental Health Issues: If you can’t get to sleep or stay asleep due to anxiety or depression, check in with your mental health therapist to see what they recommend. Counseling can help reduce stress, which in turn promotes better rest. You can also try avoiding news, social media, and interpersonal conflict before bedtime. There are also medications that can help with reducing disturbing dreams.

Sensory Calming: If you feel jittery, you can drink calming herbal tea, rub on herbal sleep lotion or ointment (I like Badger Sleep Balm), or sniff a soothing scent like lavender. A back massage could also help release tension. If you don’t have a family member who can do this, try getting a chair massager.

SPIRITUAL PEACE:

I also find that I sleep better if I am focusing on God. I love this print that hangs right outside my bedroom door, where I can see it before walking into my room for the night.

I also like to meditate on other Scriptures about God’s care for me while I sleep, and how he loves to give the gift of rest. I appreciate listening to Lectio 365 app with its soothing nightly Scripture and prayer meditations. What a lovely way to enter sweet sleep!

Here are several of my favorite restful Scripture passages:

But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. I call out to the Lord, and he answers me from his holy mountain. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me. Psalm 3:3-5

I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8

Behold, he who keeps Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep. Psalm 121:4

It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so he gives his beloved sleep. Psalm 127:2

Keep sound wisdom and discretion; so they will be life to your soul and grace to your neck. Then you will walk safely in your way, and your foot will not stumble. When you lie down, you will not be afraid; yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet. Proverbs 20:22b-24

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23

And so, as I drift off to sleep at night, I think of the God who cares for me.

Then sunset glow
Seeping dusk
Star sparkle, honey gold of moon
Obscuring haze of deepening dark
Dark deep
Wait
Rest
Heal
:::
I am still here and so is He
in shimmer and shadow.

[Nighttime star photo taken by my son Ben on a Navy ship away from city lights.]

Thanks for reading this Sweet Sleep edition of Growing Whole in Body and Soul! I’d love your feedback. Do you like this format? What resonates most with you from this post? Do tell!

Please share, comment, message me, and/or subscribe with the handy buttons below!

Blessings to you and yours,

Virginia Knowles

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This Is Where I Am in Time

This is where I am in time,
I think as I glance at the calendar on my wall,
A block for today on the page for this month,
This year, this lifetime:
Here I am.
Yesterday I had been traveling around and about,
Finding my way on a map,
Looking ahead to each place I would visit
Before my ending destination: home,
Where I am now.
So I thought as I looked curiously at this calendar
That this too was a map of time,
My time, my place in time:
Here I am, here and now
For just one moment,
Then on to the next now and the next.
Though I still meander around and about
In my memory, my history,
Gathering stories and images and vintage beauties,
These souvenirs I bring along.
Still, I cannot go back in time.
I only move forward with the wisdom
I hope I have gleaned
Into a future unseen.
This is where I am in time.
I am here and I am now,
On my journey day by day by day
Toward home.

The Power of Story

“You’re such a PoMo!” my Presbyterian pastor, Mike, once chuckled as I shared how much I love the narrative storytelling approach to just about anything. (PoMo is short for postmodernist, which I use in the very limited cultural sense of an eclectic person who appreciates story and art as a life approach. The actual definition of postmodernism is so much more complex, intellectual, and ambiguous.) PoMo or not, I usually describe myself as a “fluid poet soul” whose grandest vision of celestial bliss is nestling into a cozy cloud to listen to storytime for eternity. I imagine endless conversations with saints from every century and culture, finally grasping all of the beautiful interweavings from one story to another. What I cannot even begin to fathom now will ultimately make sense. The trials and tragedies will transform into triumphs. All the questions of theodicy will be solved. Bliss!

Yet here and now, I still live with the trials and tragedies in real time. Here and now, I am often gasping for air. Other than the hope of Heaven, I can’t always foretell a happy ending because I’m too busy coping in the messy middle. It is difficult for me to contemplate some of the painful stories from my own life, whether past or present. Beyond my own life, I can barely bear to watch the national or international news.

Yet despite my angst from what I see around and within me, I still love stories. I have read countless picture books and novels with my children, never shying away from the difficult stories of the Civil Rights Movement or the Holocaust. I know that grappling through tragedy in these narratives helps us to also navigate the trials in our own lives. I am strengthened when I read a biography or autobiography in which some ordinary person faces extraordinarily tough challenges, and despite stumbling and doubting and opposition, still manages to push through with resilience and resourcefulness. I love to sit and listen to others tell about their lives. I am thinking of an older woman in my old church who has such a wealth of sweet and stormy life experiences that I could easily glean wisdom from her stories for hours on end.

As a story lover, I also know the value of carefully paying attention to my own life narrative. Who else could I know as well as myself? Who else could know me as well as I know myself? Who else has the insight to redemptively interpret my story? Yes, a therapist can help with that process, but I have to share the story with her in the first place. So, here I am with my own stories, as tangled as they are. I may as well try to make sense of them.

Spiritual Practice: Your Life Story

These ways of exploring our life stories might not seem as devotionally oriented as prayer or Bible reading, but I still think of them as spiritual practices. Which ones have you done before? Which ones look interesting to you now?

• Journaling: Write about your life either as it happens or from your recollections of earlier years. Similar to examen, note what feelings you experienced and what insights you are gaining. You might like to incorporate devotional elements like prayer and Bible verses, but this may be awkward or triggering for some people. Or try what author Julia Cameron, the author of The Artist’s Way, calls Morning Pages: daily free-writing on whatever crosses your mind. This helps you gather your thoughts and releases valuable insights on how to process the past, live in the present, and move forward into the future. Journaling in an online document rather than a book may make this flow easier for you, as well as add a layer of privacy.

• Scrapbook or Photo Album: Look through what images or videos you already have to help you remember your story in pictures. If you are missing something, ask to see a family member’s albums. Invite them to share their memories, both of their lives and yours. Start gathering loose old photos and mementos into new books, or begin now with current material. Even digital photo albums on social media can be a great resource, as well as a way to connect with others and hear their stories.

• Life Mapping: Create a visual timeline of your life with major events marked along the way. One format is to draw a picture of a long curvy road, mark years as mile markers, and fill in what you remember from each stage of your journey, whether it is faith-related or not. Do you see the connections from one section to another?

• Literary Analysis: Divide your story into logical chapters. Identify themes, repetitions, contrasts, cause and effect, and symbolism. Consider the historical and cultural context, as well as the dynamic and static characters. Try to interpret the meaning of various story elements. Follow the trajectory of rising action, plot twists, climax, and falling action. Predict what will happen next. Or, taking this beyond your own life, read nonfiction or fiction stories, noting what resonates with you. What shared experiences do you have that you may not have acknowledged? What does this look like in your life versus theirs?

• Vignette: Tell a short story of a single incident or a cluster of incidents. Think about the classic 5W story format: Who, What, When, Where, and Why? Focus on the details and the feelings that emerge, even if they are just vague impressions at first. This doesn’t have to be fancy or clever. It’s just for you unless you want to share it with others.

• Word Dump: If you have a lot to offload from your brain, just start writing any words that come to mind. Narrow this down by picking a time period (such as your teen years) or an area of your life (such as a key relationship or responsibility). Later on, when you are more in the mood to write paragraphs, expand your thoughts on the words or clusters that jump out at you.

• Theme Threads: Try to detect any themes running through your life story, such as resilience, finding direction, church involvement, family relationships, formative influences, or your attitudes toward your body. Also look for the fluid twist-and-turn, rise-and-fall, ebb-and-flow patterns rather than just straight-line narratives.

• Asking Questions: Start with a list of questions (such as the ones at the end of each chapter) and pick ones that look interesting to you. Or turn them into conversation questions and take turns answering them with a friend or family member.

• Family Heritage: Explore your family’s faith legacy and how it may have affected your story, even back through generations of ancestors. What religious traditions and beliefs were important to them? How were these passed down? Where do you think you can find this information?

• Sharing a Faith Story: Find ways to encourage others with your faith story. Beyond giving a testimony of salvation, you can express your spiritual experiences in a way that meets the needs of the person who is listening. That means you may first need to listen to their story so you know where they are in life. Trade stories! Beautiful!

• Therapeutic Remembering: With a trained professional counselor, try to process troubling memories in a way which reframes or releases them. How do you own your story and integrate these past situations into your current life? How can you envision a different ending than where your life trajectory seems to be taking you?

A Small Story: Puritans & Quakers Up My Family Tree

My one-sentence personal testimony is: “I got saved as a 12 year old at a family reunion in 1976 when my cousin shared weird-looking gospel tracts with me in the woods.” But honestly, my own spiritual story is intricately interwoven with my family heritage even hundreds of years before I was born. This became particularly poignant to me as I reflected on my exit from the Neo-Puritan church movement.

From the genealogy displays at our Hess family reunions, I knew that my ancestor Margaret Scott was the last and oldest person hanged during the Salem Witch Trials. She was an innocent but cranky pauper widow living in the wrong place in the wrong century.

I had also seen that we had both Puritan and Quaker heritage up our family tree. Reading Elizabeth George Speare’s novel The Witch of Blackbird Pond with my children during our homeschool years had taught me about the troubled relationship between these two religious sects. What was then just my historical backdrop would soon come into foreground focus.

A few years after we left the Neo-Puritan church, I read A Measure of Light, Beth Powning’s historical novel based on the true story of Mary Dyer. Its depiction of extremism and conflict in the Massachusetts Bay Colony reminded me way too much of my own experience, not so much in the details as in the attitudes. That was troubling enough, but after finishing the book, I discovered a detail in my family history that shocked me even more. (Cliffhanger! I’ll save that juicy tidbit for the end of this story.)

I think many of us who have experienced crises and disillusionment can relate to the story of Mary Dyer. She and her husband William were gravely concerned about the cruel way that the Church of England treated Puritans. Encouraged by their friends Will and Anne Hutchinson (yes, the very famous Anne Hutchinson), they decided to flee to the American colonies for safety and freedom of worship. On arriving, though, Mary realized that the Puritans could be just as harsh in their punishments against those who dissented from what they believed to be their true faith. A culture of strict rules, fear of divine retribution, demonization of others outside the community (especially Native Americans), and tight religious/political control ruled the colony. There was little sense of God's loving grace and gospel liberty.

When Mary gave birth to a stillborn baby with major deformities, the church leaders accused her of harboring a horrible sin that had provoked God’s wrath upon her. Anne helped her friend Mary navigate through these trying times, but even she was not safe from the sting. A loyal disciple of the Reverend John Cotton, Anne had been entrusted with elucidating his sermons in her home meetings to make the theological meanings clear to the other women. As time passed, though, Anne placed more emphasis on grace and liberty in her lectures. Men began attending, and her meetings became more popular than Cotton’s, which brought her into sharp opposition with jealous leaders. Banished from the colony, she and her followers, including the Dyers, moved south to Rhode Island.

Later, Mary returned to England for several years and became a devout Quaker, a missionary passionate about sharing the measure of light with other seeking souls. Back in the colonies again, she determined to take a stand for religious liberty, repeatedly risking her own life to plead the cause of Quakers who had been sentenced to death by the Puritan leaders. She herself was banished from Boston with the threat of death.

The Puritans hanged Mary in June 1660 after she courageously returned to Boston to demand a change to the “bloody laws” against Quakers. However, as news of this and other executions traveled throughout the colonies and to England, the Puritan leaders were eventually forced to stop persecuting the Quakers. Unfortunately, that still didn't prevent the Salem Witch Trials that claimed the life of my ancestor Margaret Scott in September 1692.

We cannot know everything about Mary Dyer's true history, but the author of A Measure of Light imagines her depression and anxiety, her disconnection from the God she thought she once knew, her shame for giving birth to a deformed stillborn baby, and the difficulties she faced in bonding with her later born children when she had been warned of undue attachments. As a Quaker, she was still a very complex woman with deep wounds and a dysfunctional family, at least in the novel version.

This is not a “happily ever after” tale. Mary’s suffering left a deep imprint on her soul and mine. I started weeping fairly early on in the book. This all hit way too close to home for me. Yet I rejoiced when she found her measure of light and regained a well-seasoned faith, hope, joy, and peace in the midst of the unrelenting challenges.

Like Mary Dyer, in this long process of waking up and moving on, I finally lost my fear and found my true voice. I became empowered to speak the truth in love, to be an advocate for the vulnerable among us. Yet, like Mary Dyer, I too have suffered much in my soul. I can write around the tattered edges of my own story, but the darker parts are etched deep within my consciousness. While healing comes as a measure of light year by year, the scars cannot be fully undone on this side of eternity.

After reading the book, my world was rocked even more. Curious to find any possible connections between Mary Dyer and my Quaker ancestors, I did a quick Google search. I found my answer in a genealogy post for the descendants of a man named Edward Wanton. Yikes! It turns out that Edward was the guard at the gallows when Mary Dyer was hanged. Oh my! Tragic as this is, I found a redemptive story pivot. Disgusted by his own complicity with cruelty, Edward promptly puked in Frog Pond. Then, inspired by Mary’s courage and conviction, he became a Quaker preacher, married a Quaker woman, and became my Quaker great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather.

What Mary Dyer did became my story. Hundreds of years later, I am not only here because of her, but I am changed by reading her example. I am so grateful. In turn, what I do and what I say becomes the story of others.

Think again about the power of your story.

Questions to Consider

• How would you describe yourself to someone who doesn't know you?

• If you divided your life into chapters, what would the titles be?

• What makes it easier for you to share stories about your life with other people?

• What is the hardest part about telling your story, even just to yourself? Would it help to process your story with a competent mental health therapist?

• What is the most interesting story you could share?

• How have your experiences and cultural expectations related to your family of origin, gender, race, ethnicity, and education affected you?

• Which of these ideas have you tried or would you like to try? Journaling, Scrapbook or Photo Album, Life Mapping, Literary Analysis, Vignette, Word Dump, Theme Threads, Asking Questions, Family Heritage, Sharing a Faith Story, Therapeutic Remembering

“Story” is the sixth chapter of my upcoming book, Burned: Rising from the Ashes of Spiritual Crisis. I won’t be sharing full chapters in the future, but I at least want to give my readers a glimpse of the format I use in all 20 spiritual practice chapters: Stillness, Story, Imagination, Lament, Liberty, Vision, Strategy, Body, Home, Nature, Beauty, Worship, Prayer, Scripture, Theology, Guidance, Community, Justice, Peacemaking, and Abiding. Each spiritual practice chapter includes these features:

• an original poem

• a reflection on the power of this spiritual practice, which often (but not always) includes a bit of Christian history about its use or misuse

• restorative ideas for how you can integrate the spiritual practice into your life after being burned up or burned out — because maybe what you were doing before just isn’t working anymore!

• a small story from my own life, because stories have power!

• questions for reflection

I had a little epiphany as I prepared this Substack post. The book has been written for quite a while, but I still haven’t felt it was quite ready to release into the wild. I just realized that I don’t need to add anything to the book. Instead, I need to remove what I’ve had as the final section of each chapter: a list of recommended resources. This has been the least consistent section from chapter to chapter, and therefore the book’s weak spot. So in this Substack post, I am not including it, and now I’m about to go take that section out of each chapter of the manuscript. I may still do a summary list of favorite resources at the end of the book, as well as incorporate some of the essentials into other parts of the chapters. There is already an extensive research bibliography, since I read well over ten thousand pages of books on spiritual formation and crisis while writing Burned.

Breathing a little sigh of relief over here… Time for a little pruning!

Thanks for reading this edition of Growing Whole in Body and Soul! I’d love your feedback. Do you like this format? What resonates most with you from this post? Do tell!

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See you next time!

Virginia Knowles

"Autumn Breeze"

Dear Autumn Trees, please

Give me all your gorgeous leaves.

More will grow. Love, Breeze.

Welcome to Almost Autumn, that time in early September when we can pretend it’s already technically Autumn. Here in tropical Florida, I have to pretend about Autumn all the way through it anyway, so why not start early?

Here on Substack, I noticed that Melissa Miller has a post called Friday 5: The Illusion of Control and the Gift of Letting Go that happens to resonate with the themes of this Almost Autumn post. I like her weekly format, but being an individualist, I want to tweak. So here is my first Saturday Triad post with three sections: Home, Health, and Hope. Y’all know I love alliteration! No? Well, you do now!

Here we go!

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Home

I always decorate for Autumn in the first week of September as a birthday present to myself: apples in the dining room, baskets of flowers and leaves in the kitchen, a scarecrow vignette in the front hall, and pumpkins in the living room. There’s more, but this is enough for now! Soft seasonal blankets are a must at my house, and I cherish the Longaberger baskets that my late mother gave me. I told my therapist recently that I love decorating in themes. It lights such a spark in me and brings me joy! It’s so good for the soul.

In my upcoming book, Burned: Rising from the Ashes of Spiritual Crisis, I write about spiritual practices that can help restore a burned out soul. One of these is creating a warm home atmosphere where healing can take place. Here’s a small excerpt…

​When I think about blessing my home, it is really about caring for the people who live here, including myself. I don’t want a showcase house ready for a magazine photo shoot. I mainly envision making it a place where my family and I can enjoy living. I have found that these ideas work for us despite the lingering chaos.

• Simplify your space. “Our lives do not consist in the abundance of our possessions” (Luke 12:15). That’s not condemnation. It’s freedom! It’s not so hard to keep the house clean when there is less in it. You might get a burst of joy (or not) when you take bags and boxes to the charity thrift store or even just to the curb on trash day. It’s like a burden is lifted to release clutter instead of continuing to curate it.

• Collaborate with others in the home. Sharing household responsibilities is good for them as well as for you. This whole process can be a great patience and gentleness builder. The standard is not perfectionism and performance, but participation and progress. Setting an example of personal responsibility and teamwork is the key here. It also sends the message that it’s not just one person’s job to care for the home but everyone, no matter their age or gender. Egalitarianism starts in the home with the little things of daily life.

• Decorate and organize creatively. This honestly can be a delight instead of a duty. Beauty and order can be a huge motivator. God created us in his image, and I think that means he created us to be creative. You can decorate for seasons or holidays, which can be a visual reminder of God’s grace. You can make new things or just rearrange what you have in a new way. You can transform a messy spot into a pretty place. A little oasis here, a little oasis there all adds up.

• Integrate spiritual inspiration. Hope-filled sayings and pictures lift the spirits, whether they are on a plaque, a poster, a notecard, a page of calligraphy, or a chalkboard on the wall.

• Stimulate the five senses. How about scented candles, framed nature photos, soft blankets on the couch, a hot mug of spiced wassail or a cold glass of lemonade, singing or listening to a favorite playlist? This sensory delight is part of bodily integration, the vital connection between our physical body and our interior soul/spirit.

• Create individual self-soothing spaces. If someone in your home (including you) regularly struggles with anxiety or sensory overstimulation, design a safe and secluded spot for them to decompress from stress. It should be private, quiet, and comfortable, with softer lighting, favorite sensory-friendly textures and aromas, and encouraging artwork or quotes. Depending on the needs, add in a music source, a journal, art supplies, coloring books (available for adults, too), fidget toys, stuffed animals, picture books, etc.

• Relive happy memories. What items bring healing to your soul because they remind you of pleasant times, grand adventures, random acts of kindness, or precious people? Let’s see that souvenir magnet collection on the refrigerator, a mug from a meaningful event, your favorite family or travel photos, a thoughtful gift from a loving friend or relative, or a beloved family heirloom.

• Practice hospitality. This is a way to create new happy memories. It doesn’t have to be a big fancy event that takes weeks to plan. It could just be inviting a new friend over for coffee even if your house isn’t in perfect shape.

​So you are wondering, how is all of this “spiritual practice”? It is spiritual because it instills gratitude to God for beauty, love, and grace. It honors the Creator through creation and creativity. It nurtures my family and myself. It creates a safe place to flourish. It doesn’t have to be overtly religious to be gloriously blessed.

My youngest adult daughter, who lives with me, collaborates in creating our cozy home. Today she made braided egg bread for the first time, twisting it into a unique shape that didn’t quite fit on the platter. (She’s a bit unconventional like me!) Amazing taste and texture!

Health

I just had my annual physical yesterday and got such a kick out of the Autumn tree in the waiting room. They sure know how to make me smile.

I moved across town last year and just recently started establishing my medical care in my new area. My primary care physician, endocrinologist, and labs are all in the same building less than a mile from my home. I’m doing all of my extra diagnostics, consulting other specialists as necessary, finally going to the dentist after a long absence, and getting my vaccinations up to date. (Hello, flu shot!) I want to be proactive in getting all of the health concerns addressed.

Autumn is a great time to evaluate where you are with your health. You can make the medical appointments you’ve been putting off, as well as tweak your fitness, hygiene, nutrition, and sleep routines. You’ll be ready to head into the holidays with confidence and wholesome wellness habits. What a gift to yourself!

Hope

I started this Almost Autumn post with a haiku that I wrote many years ago.

Dear Autumn Trees, please

Give me all your gorgeous leaves.

More will grow. Love, Breeze.

It reminds me that part of the cycle of life is loss. I wish we had the brilliant autumn leaves here in Florida, so maybe that part of seasonal rhythm is not as prominent for me. It is, however, still hurricane season, so last year that meant having my outdoor guy come trim my trees, just in case.

Metaphorically speaking, pruning is painful yet necessary.

“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” John 15:1-4

I think about learning to let go of things that are not the best for this time of my life. As I write in the Liberty chapter of Burned:

On a bigger scale, I have had to release so many other good things: expectations, relationships, jobs, hobbies, memories, dreams, and hundreds and hundreds of books. I feel a loss but then I feel a lightness. I realize I didn’t need it or even that it had become an unconscious burden. Relinquishment brings liberty. That fresh freedom is the glorious replacement for feeling bogged down.

​When I’m feeling unsettled or overwhelmed, it’s usually time to sit down and figure out what I need to unload or untangle. Hands up. Palms open. Here, God. Do with it what you want. It’s yours. I’m yours. I let go. Let’s go.

​What about you? What’s holding you back or holding you down? What can you let go? Where do you need the liberty of relinquishment?

You might like this relevant post by British blogger Penelope Swithinbank: How to relinquish what you can't let go of - but needs to go

My friend Kim Kargbo and I are planning a Spiritual Rhythms Retreat from October 17-19 in St. Leo, Florida. Kim heads a global NGO, Accessible Hope, a ministry serving people with disabilities. She is also a spiritual director who blogs at Contemplative Activist here on Substack. Let me know if you have any questions! Here’s the description.

Does your spiritual life need a recharge? Are you struggling to see the transformation of your inner and outer self that you had hoped for? Join us for this 2-night retreat, “Finding Your Spiritual Rhythms: Being Transformed into the Image of Christ." This retreat is designed to help you deepen your relationship with the Holy One through transformative spiritual practices. This is not about adding more "to-do’s" to your spiritual life or trying harder, but rather creating space for the Holy Spirit to do the work within you. We will not only learn about contemplative spiritual practices, but take time to “try them on” during our time together.

I’m planning a post on SLEEP from an integrated body and soul perspective, so send me your best ideas on this topic!

Thanks for reading this edition of Growing Whole in Body and Soul! I’d love your feedback. Do you like this format? What resonates most with you from this post? Do tell!

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See you next time!

Virginia Knowles

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Welcome to the second post of my Substack “Growing Whole in Body and Soul”! I am so excited to be here with you. In my inaugural post, I promised excerpts from my upcoming book Burned, as well as newer material that my active mind concocts along the way. This new entry is a little of both! First, the introduction to Burned, and then a few musings on my birthday weekend.

Rise, Rise, Up I Rise

Rise, rise, up I rise.

The life I knew is gone,

Burned up, burned out.

The embers glow, sparking still.

The ashes may settle, but I will not.

My new life awaits, full and free.

In hope, I will rise!

Through grace, I will rise!

To joy, I will rise!

Rise, rise, up I rise!

Welcome! Burned: Rising from the Ashes of Spiritual Crisis with Restorative Chrisitan Practices is a guidebook for the wounded and weary Christian. This is the encouragement I needed when my soul was burned up from toxic religion and burned out from fatigue and cynicism. I wanted to collapse in a heap of ashes and just quit, even after decades as a believer. Instead, I eventually emerged to rise stronger than ever. That is an amazing grace. But there were also means of grace, spiritual practices that helped nurture and heal me. This is what kept me going then. This is what keeps me going still. This is why I write.

Starting with my own story of rising from the ashes, we will explore reasons why so many of us struggle with our faith, even as longtime dedicated followers of Jesus. Most of the chapters, though, are about restorative spiritual practices, things we can do to embrace grace rather than fizzle away.

You don’t already know me, so I don’t expect you to trust what I say until (or unless) you are ready. Bring along the life you’ve got, dip your toes in if you dare, and see for yourself. What will you find here? A balm for the soul, a reason to believe, a way to rise? I hope so. Nothing in this book is meant to bog you down or freak you out. Take what you can use and leave the rest.

I am many things, but one of them is a poet, which is obvious at the start of each chapter. I am also a storyteller, parent, grandparent, educator, crisis advocate, homemaker, seminary graduate, and lifelong theological researcher. These parts of me come out to play, too. Most of all, I am a child of God, a follower of Jesus. Still.

I am honored that you would read my words. I know many other books on spirituality and healing already encourage readers, each in its own way. This one is gleaned from the lives and words of many who have come before me, in the hopes that it will nourish those here now and those yet to come. We will rise!

Yours, Virginia Knowles

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And now a few thoughts on my birthday weekend.

I just turned 62 on Sunday! Usually, I celebrate here in Florida, but a few weeks ago, my sister mentioned that she and my niece would be driving up from Maryland to Pennsylvania to visit with my late mother’s family for a mini-reunion this past Saturday. This happened to coincide with not only my birthday but my Dad’s 89th birthday on Sunday. What a perfect time to take a weekend away and celebrate together! I booked an inexpensive flight on Frontier, stuffed my small backpack and my CPAP bag with whatever they would hold, and flew “up home” for a long weekend.

I loved visiting my sweet aunts, uncles, and cousins in rural Pennsylvania on Saturday. Mom’s family has always been so warm and close, which is such a gift. They have always lifted me up just as my mother did! We feasted on a huge potluck meal. One aunt gave me a vintage book that had belonged to my great-grandmother. My cousin’s wife brought over their baby goats. I oohed and aahed over the early autumn foliage. I loved seeing the beautiful hummingbird stained glass that my mother had made many years ago.

Then on Sunday, Dad and I attended the worship service at the little Lutheran congregation down the street. My daughter and her friend took my dad, step-mother, and me out to dinner at Bob Evans. We all enjoyed chocolate cake from the Amish market at Dad’s house after that.

On Monday, Dad had a senior citizen driving class to attend, so I spent the morning chatting with my lovely step-mother, who married my widowed father almost 11 years ago. She is German but was born and raised in Bolivia. Since she is not completely fluent in English, conversations take a little longer, but she is so fascinating! A little later, her new neighbor came over for some knitting tips. The neighbor and I have a lot in common in terms of past traumas and our outlook on moving forward in life, so we also had an amazing conversation. We are both so thankful we met! She kindly volunteered to drive me to the airport, so I didn’t need to get a Lyft. I muse often about how I always manage to be in the right place at the right time for this kind of “divine coincidence.”

The “Rise, Rise, Up I Rise” poem at the beginning of this post (and my book) resonates so clearly with what my new friend and I have both experienced. And as I think of how we encouraged one another yesterday, I affirm that we all can truly rise together as we lift one another up.

That’s why I am here on Substack. I want to rise together with all of you as we are “growing whole in body and soul”!

I would be delighted if you would subscribe and share this link with your friends and family! I’d also love to see your feedback, so please leave a comment or send a message!

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I’m finally starting a Substack blog! I’m not a stranger to blogging, but it’s been a while. For this grand re-entry, I decided Substack was the place to be. It’s a community, not just a writing platform.

I took several years off from regular blogging because I started seminary seven years ago and then ended up writing a new book. The book is still waiting to be released into the wild, and this blog is one of the ways I am moving toward that. So each week, I’ll share an excerpt from Burned: Rising from the Ashes of Spiritual Crisis. It’s all about restorative spiritual practices for those who have been burned up and/or burned out by their religious experience. It’s an unusual fusion of those spiritual practices, poetry, personal narrative, and a wee bit of commentary on the ups and downs of Christian experience throughout the ages. It’s written in a warm and accessible style, but it’s backed by well over 10,000 pages of intense research. Not to mention nearly 50 years of faith experience — the good, the bad, and the ugly.

But I also am itching to get back into writing new material, too! For a little variety, I’ll be posting about wellness and growth in all areas of life. That’s where the body and soul part comes in. This is not because I’m an expert, but because I am learning myself and like to share the practical ideas I gather along the way. I am trying to develop healthy habits and overcome the not-so-healthy ones. Come walk alongside me for a bit? You may also find some book reviews, guest posts, and my own musings on living into the fullness of life. There is so much more to life than what we can see with our eyes! Don’t you long to go deeper into the mystery and imagination and abundance that God has for us right here, right now? I do!

For those who don’t know me already, maybe a few extra words of introduction…

I call myself a fluid poet soul, but you might want more details.

​Crazy as it is, I'm the mother of 10 amazing adult children and grandmother of nine. I homeschooled for over 30 years and taught English and Language Arts students in weekly homeschool programs. One of my adult children lives with me. You won’t see many personal details about my family, since I like to respect their privacy. Many of my active mothering years were spent solo parenting.

Toward the tail end of my active mothering years, I enrolled in Asbury Theological Seminary and graduated in 2021 with my MA in Ministry. I always say that seminary gave me my life back.

During seminary and beyond, I worked part-time for local community referral and mental health crisis hotlines. Last year, I switched over to working full-time, now employed by a federal suicide prevention and mental health crisis intervention hotline. It’s a heavy job, but I really can’t imagine doing anything else. Empathy and empowerment are core values for me.

I am also surrounded by an awesome cadre of friends and relatives from all walks of life. I'm always learning something new from them, and some of that will find its way here to my Substack pages. ​

I love art, music, literature, and historical architecture, particularly cathedrals. Botanical gardens and other nature settings are favorite outings for me, and I have been known to fall off a waterfall. ​I create my own art with photography, calligraphy, woodwork, painting, sketching, tie dye, and countless doodles.

And words. I live for words. That's why I'm a writer. My favorite place to write is my hand-dyed turquoise tilted table with these words burned into the bottom edge:

​That's my philosophy for life and for writing.

Most of all, despite my own periods of crisis and cynicism, I am a disciple of Jesus Christ.

All good things! I can't imagine any other life for myself.

To God be the glory.

Virginia